Beneath My Skin

for some strange reasons, i m blogging. i din realised till now that i had a previous blog, with like only 2 entries. i suppose this one may end up the same. strangely, some guy left a comment at my previous blog.... (hey thank u for reading, if u happen to see this as well)

the last entry of my previous blog was abt tidying up my room.. man.. 21 years of my life i never knew wad tidying my room really means till a few days ago when i REALLY tidied it.. it is at its CLEANEST state ever now... eliza said wait one week and see... hey man.. this time the room cant be messed up cos theres nothing left to be messed... threw away one big cupboard, one small cupboard, old toys, old books since secondary sch days, gave away a pile of comics, threw away another pile of comics, threw away my water bag, my rope, my scout uniform, candles, a few hammocks.... and lots more rubbish...

when i told ben that my room is damn clean now, he just laughed in disbelief.. even when he finally believed that it is tidy and neat, he thinks that it would all be gone in a matter of days... it is extremely foolhardy to think in such a manner... cant believe that these pple do not even trust the saviour of their world, of THE world, to keep his own room tidy. ben is coming to my place in abt 2 hrs time.. at 2 am.. goddamn 2 am..hope i m awake still man... he will have a shock of his life when he sees how neat it is..

tidying my room is indeed a chore and it is bad for health too, physically and mentally.. the mental torture of doing a supreme test of never ending endurace, throwing items after items away, wiping away layers of dust etc... is like an endless activity. the whole room is in an extremely dusty state too, i can feel them tickling my nostrils.. perhaps that explains y i m sick now... nevertheless, it is an interesting experience.

i got to look through many items which i had but never gave a second look after chucking them in the drawers. things like, blue slips, greeting cards etc...

1. a thick wad of blue slips -

all taken during jc times... the master copy which winston hodge signed and granted me countless half days is still there lol...

2. greeting cards -

so many of them man... 1 each from ben and changyong when they were overseas... the most coming from shuwei and joanne.... shuwei sent me a strange xmas greeting this year.. dun really know wad it means, but i guess its something abt his disappointment in me not being more involved in the Group... really dunno wad to say abt that... i liked his previous one where he wrote his greetings on the back of a jigsaw and jumbled them up hehe.. joanne dint send me xmas card this year.. guess she still din wanna be my fren at that time.. at least now we were ok... called me for the past 2 days..

the one that got me laughing was a card by Ling Khoon Chow, my bio teacher in sec 4.. it said something like 'u are one of the untidiest person i have ever met. u are so messy that sometimes i feel like tearing my hair out'.. also his progress reports comments like 'i think u are quite a bright student. but y dun u wanna study?' wonder hows he doing now man...

its like one of those moments in life where u look back and reflect upon wad happened.. had plenty of these sorta moments when i was in army.. cos theres nothing else to do if u dun do that lol.... i think i have grown and matured in many ways.. though ACY always likes to say that my mental maturity never progressed beyond sec 2, i know that deep down inside him he is worshipping me like a God..

a new year, a new life? not a good way to start a new year where the first week of the year ends on fridae the thirteenth... bloody cursed number.. seems like many thigns went wrong todae... bloody housekeeper pang seh me.. say till she really wants the job and after all the arrangements she failed to turn up.. bloody hell off her fone after hearin my voice some more.. argh.... complain here and there that u got no job, then when pple give u a job, u pangseh.. not the first time already lar.. no wonder so many jobless pple out there.. i pity those who tried but really cannot get a job, but i think those, who are like the farker who pang seh me jus now, really deserved to be jobless... nothing to say man... then mark langgar again.. he damn broke already still kena this kinda shit.. dark also like claypotting lately... and ben missed his flight!!! damn cock.... miss flight then have to stay over at my house.. luckily my uncle not coming my house tonite...

problems seem to keep popping up, and there seems to be no end.. when will everything stabilise? i really wonder... at the moment, i cant seem to see the next step i m taking... the path ahead is shrouded in a thick fog, possibly caused by the rainy weather these couple of days.. plus all the dust that made my eyes watery probably blurred my vision as well... nevertheless, nothing is clear to me.. i m treading on uncertainty.. i may not be happy, its hard to be happy, but at least i think i wanna do it...